going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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