my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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