the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
why do cheetos always look like penises
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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