Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
