I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
