How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
