Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
