New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
