my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
