I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
