I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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