i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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