Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
