Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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