ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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