New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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