i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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