I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
