That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
