Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
