On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
