so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
