He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
