called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
