I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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