you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
