hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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