How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
