Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
