I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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