I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
