Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
