Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
