oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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