the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
