FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we're making bets on your personal life
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
