The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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