dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You have to summon your inner elephant
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
