I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
