The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
dude. I can hear the air.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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