not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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