im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
