"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
