SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
