you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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