so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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