Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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