How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
