brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
