Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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