the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
